Finding “the one” is not easy. It can be an awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful journey. It’s difficult to find a potential partner, yet alone find the woman you want to marry. What is it about falling in love that is so challenging for men?

Awkwardness

Dating is awkward. I remember the first time I called my wife just to get to know her better. She was shocked that I called her just to talk and now I know she was thinking “Why is this weirdo calling me?” When we first started dating I remember being self-conscious of everyday tasks like eating food. It sounds crazy thinking back, but getting to know someone can be uncomfortable. Having to repeatedly face the awkward early stages can become exhausting but it’s inevitable when developing a significant relationship.

FOMO

Men tend to view their relationships like business transactions, always looking for a better deal. We have this fear that if we commit to one woman we may miss out on the possibility of finding someone better. I call this FOMO, the “fear of missing out.” FOMO is ever present in today’s “side chick” culture. The grass is not always greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it. Investing in our current relationship decreases the attraction of the “better deal”.

Loneliness

No one wants to feel alone, our fear of loneliness often drives men to settle in relationships we know are not going to work.  We waste days, months, and even years in relationships that are going nowhere simply because we are afraid of being alone. Being alone does not equal loneliness yet we often see them as one in the same. The fear is not that we wont have a significant other, it’s that we are unwanted and undesired.

This fear of loneliness often drives the “side chick” culture. Having a side chick gives men a false sense of security and fools us into thinking that we are free from the dangers of rejection. In reality, we are stealing from our “main chick” and perpetuating a culture of insecurity, jealousy, and infidelity.

Vulnerability

Finding love takes trust, openness, and vulnerability. Vulnerability can be terrifying. It’s a scary thing to show someone your true self with the possibility of being rejected. Going back to the business example, it’s like investing all of your money in one stock with the chance of it someday crashing. We would rather leave our love in a fund that yields no returns because it’s “safe”. It takes courage to be vulnerable. There’s always the chance of being rejected but there’s also the chance you invested wisely.