When working with couples 9 out of 10 times they are wanting to work on their communication and wanting to reconnect. They tend to feel that their marriage is not working, or they are exploring divorce. Often these couples have forgotten how to love each other, connect with one another and how to effectively work on their marriage. How does a couple bounce back from a marriage that is struggling?

Marriage is hard however taking each other on a date or giving each other undivided attention and checking in even for 5 minutes at the end of each day to ask each other how they are doing? What are they needing from each other at that moment? What their biggest stress of the day is? Allows each other to gain an insight on what their partners are dealing with on a day-to-day basis. It is equally as important to provide each other with a physical check-in.

According to John Gottman, PhD who is known for his work on marital stability and divorce predications suggests giving each other a 60 second hug and 7 second kiss allows for each other to feel or to reconnect to each other at the end of the day or the start of the day. We often get caught up in our day to day lives we forget that we need also check in with our significant other.

Throughout marriage we can find ourselves becoming complacent within the marriage. The cycle typically goes as such, dating which is fun and spicy, moving in which is fun and exciting, getting engaged which is new and exciting. Then comes the actual wedding which can be new and fun sometimes challenging, having a child which is fun yet challenging, and tiring, and then it leads to being parents and working and learning to be parents together. We forget that in between all of that we need to still date each other, get to know one another as we are constantly growing and changing. Dating each other, continuing to get to know one another allows for the spice and the excitement and the fun.

If you were to think back and remember the last time you and your spouse dated each other (without the kids and without talking about the kids) if the answer isn’t within the past few months or weeks, chances are you need to take your spouse on a date. Given the opportunity to reconnect with your spouse and a chance to get to know each other again, would you?

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