How to Stay in Love

With Valentines quickly approaching its natural to be come excited for what the day might bring whether its a special date night out or gifts you may be giving or receiving. Its exciting to think about how well your partner knows you or how well you know them. It can quickly spark the feelings you once had in the beginning of your relationship. As the month progresses you will start to see more things about LOVE and see others begin to rekindle the flame in their relationships, but what if that feeling you get on February 14^th you can get throughout the year? What if the flame and sizzle you once had in your relationship you can have again? Intrigued? Below are a few things to try with your partner to get some of that feeling back.

Continuing to Get to Know One Another

Remember in the beginning of the relationship you played the 20 questions game? And asked questions like when is your birthday? What’s your favorite color? How many kids do you want? It’s important to still ask these questions however slightly different such as where or when do we want to retire? Do we want more kids? Are we financially happy where we are or do we need to make adjustments? Is there anything new you want to try both intimately and non-intimately? These questions and many more are important as it helps you continue to work on getting to know your partner and their needs. It also allows for you to ensure you and your significant other are on the same page.

Continue to Be Friends

We often forget that it is okay to be friends with our significant other. After a few years we forgot how to be friends with each other. This can look like going on adventures, spending time reconnecting after a long day. I often challenge couples to designate a night each week (because we are all busy and although it’d be nice to happen everyday often, we cannot) to disconnect from technology and have a conversation with their significant other. This can also look like trying new things together, a new restaurant, watching a new show, planning trips together and much more. This opens the door for both sides to be who they are and feel comfortable enough to be silly, and funny and to connect on different levels while allowing for communication to continue to be an important factor.

Staying Connected

Remember when you first started dating and you would wake up thinking about your significant other? Thinking about shooting them a good morning text with a heart or a winky face. Constantly checking your phone to see if they texted you yet? You knew everything they had going on that day and would send a few text messages throughout the day to let them know you were thinking of them. Keeping this part alive in your relationships allows you to continue to keep that spark alive while still knowing what your significant other has going on for the day. If you leave work before your significant other shoot them a text and say good morning and let them know you’re thinking of them. Knowing the day they are having or how they are feeling allows for each of you to continue to feel accepted to feel as though your significant other supports you emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.

Staying Intimate

When working with many couples they view intimacy and only physical however intimacy is so much more it’s emotionally, spiritual, intellectual and physical. It’s important to share with our significant other what we are needing in all these areas and when you can begin to share these you create a safe space for each other to want to connect further. This allows for deeper intimacy and connections and can make both parties feel heard and to feel as though they can be who they truly are.

Incorporating all of these will allow for each other to feel more connected and comfortable with each other which provides an understanding of one another, and can continue to allow you to build onto your relationship and friendship. Relationships are work no matter how long you have been together or married, however if this is the person you are choosing for the rest of your life isn’t it important to do the work? These four pillars can help ignite the passion, the trust, the fun and the communication within your relationship.

About the Author: 

Leilani Mitchell, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #127220