Couples come to therapy because there is healing that needs to take place within their relationship. Often these couples are not aware of where it went wrong. In previous posts I’ve shared how to re-build intimacy, learning your communication styles, how to develop healthy relationship habits. However, in this blog we will talk about 6 questions to ask to begin healing your relationship.

We as humans get caught up in the day to day of our busy lives and we forget to also put in work in our relationships. There are times we take our significant others for granted. We slowly stop noticing the small things they do to help us or take care of us. This is natural as busyness progresses throughout life. However Below are six questions to ask each other in efforts to work on healing and repairing the relationship and taking the time to reconnect with each other.

• What haven’t you heard enough previously that you need to hear more of from me?
• What is your biggest fear surrounding our relationship?
• What mistakes do you feel we often make that we should learn to address?
• What makes it hard for you to be your authentic self in our relationship?
• What do I need to do specifically to make you feel safe and secure within our relationship?
• How can I tell if you’re triggered and what’s the best way I can respond?

These questions appear to be simple questions however these questions build trust and allow for both partners to build a deeper foundation and understanding of what they are needing in the relationship and from their partner. We as humans have learned our idea of a “healthy” relationship from those we spent most of our time with. This can be our parents, our grandparents, aunts and uncles, anyone that we spent time with as a child/teenager. If you think back about the relationships, you saw growing up and they were not the healthiest it can lead to you having unhealthy relationship patterns because that is all you saw so it’s all you know. Imagine being able to change the blueprint of what a healthy relationship could look like but also how to heal a relationship.

By asking questions like above you are opening the relationship to vulnerability, trustworthiness, honesty, repair. It is not news when I say relationships are work, but in order to get the most out of your relationship you also must do the work.

Often when our relationships feel distant, it’s because we have stopped connecting with one another, we have started to overlook the hard work each other does on a day-to-day basis. Taking 5-10 minutes a day longer if you’re able to, to reconnect by asking the questions above may decrease the distance you feel in the relationship by healing your relationship you’re making the efforts to show each other that they matter, and that you value them. So why not work on healing your relationship?

About the Author: 

Leilani Mitchell, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #127220