I am reminded of my favorite nursery tale of Winnie the Pooh, which was written by A.A. Milne in 1926.  While there have been many adaptations of this story over the years, such as by Disney in 1966 or even more recently by Disney in 2007, Disney updated the look of Winnie the Pooh from hand-drawn to Pixar-style animation where the characters seemed to jump from the screen into a more realistic view that Disney/Pixar was able to create for viewers making these characters seem more fitted to match humanistic ideologies not only in form.  The look of the characters has certainly changed several times; however, the story has certainly withstood the test of time.  The story of Winnie the Pooh has helped us see that true friendship is not only important, but it is a true necessity. 

 

Winnie the Pooh has several friends, including Christopher Robin, Eeyore, Heffalump, Kanga and Roo, Owl, Piglet, and even Tigger.  Over the years, Winnie the Pooh stories have explained that each of the character’s personalities suggest a different mental health ailment.  One of which is that of Eeyore.  Eeyore is thought to encompass that of depression.  Maybe it’s the color of his donkey’s hair, which is grey.  Maybe depression can be seen in Eeyore’s constant losing of his tail as it is detachable.  Perhaps it’s that Eeyore talks in absolutes; speaks in a slow yet steady tone; isolates himself; feels lonely; doesn’t see many positives in his life; lacks confidence; slumps over even for a donkey; and many other ways.  Still, what if Eeyore explains depression in a way that we can all understand?

 

Four Major Changes That Sum Up Depression.

Depression is a serious mental condition that if untreated could get worse-and-worse.  Depression often leaves people feeling sad, hopeless, helpless, and not allowing them to be themselves or engage in the activities they once enjoyed.  It truly can affect a person’s quality of life and the person’s overall relationships. From my years of working with people who struggle with depression, I have learned a few things, and I will use the semblance of the fictional character of “Eeyore” to show you how depression affects us and what we can do to minimize the effects. Here are four ways that a person struggles with depression and what we can do about it:

 

1. Sleep changes, therefore energy levels change

The depressed mind tells the person that no one wants us around thus causing us to isolate and separate ourselves from those we love and who love us.  In doing this, we may increase or decrease the amounts of sleep that we get.  What used to be easy for us, such as going to sleep, can often change as we go to sleep earlier, later, less, or even more.  Because of this, we may sleep just a little; a lot more; or even sleep sporadically. As changes begin to occur in our patterns of sleep, we may begin to experience changes also in our levels of energy.  Lack of sleep can cause fatigue, sleepiness, low energy, and have us eating foods that we didn’t find interest in previously.  Remember that just because we sleep for 12 hours, doesn’t mean that we suddenly have energy. 

 

Think of Eeyore.  Eeyore has his own “gloomy place”.  I really don’t remember the exact wording of what Eeyore says and I couldn’t find it on the internet when I tried to run a quick Google search, but Eeyore says something “Don’t worry; go and enjoy; I’ll be here and be miserable.”  I’m sure that this was in Eeyore’s Gloomy Place but it’s nice to think that we all have our safe spaces.  Where is yours?  I have literally told countless parents, partners, and others that the way to help their loved one is to get under the depression blanket with them.  In the stories of Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore has friends that do just this.  Eeyore still gets invited to participate and go on adventures with all his friends.  Eeyore’s friends don’t push him; they always invite him; they always include him; they never ask him to change.  Eeyore is accepted for who he is and what he brings to the table. 

 

So, let me ask you… what does this mean? When you notice the “depression change,” take a deep breath and ask yourself: “How can I put myself into this equation?”  If your loved one is sleeping, go lay next to them or get them to come to the couch so they can enjoy a movie or something that doesn’t require a lot of energy to be taken from them.  If your loved one is hiding their eating habits, go to them and ask if they want you to take them to the ice cream parlor for a scoop or to the grocery store to choose healthier options.  If your loved one isn’t eating, cut up some strawberries for you and your loved one to share.  Whatever your loved one is doing; no matter where they are at; remember to join them and invite them to join you. 

 

2. As our self-esteem plummets, everything begins to feel harder.

People with depression often speak in absolutes.  What this means is that we often tell ourselves “I am bad at everything” or “I’m not good at anything.”  Maybe someone will say that “no one loves me,” “everyone turned their back on me because I’m too much work,” or even “My life is bad; there’s nothing good in it.”  This simple language is not as simple as you may think.  It’s a cognitive distortion and things become harder based on our cognitive distortion.  Because we can start to say things like, “There’s nothing good in my life,” we may begin to believe our statements thus isolating us from others even further. 

 

Eeyore appears to embody this in all that he does.  His tone of voice is mellow, slow, steady, and doesn’t have a lot of inflection.  He appears to meet the criteria for depression including having a pessimistic attitude, doesn’t seem interested in any one thing, appears slowed down, speaks in absolutes, and often appears to have a helpless attitude and demeanor.  These feelings that Eeyore experiences appear to have existed for several years, namely since 1926 which is when he was created.  Come on!  That’s almost one hundred years.  Can you imagine if Winnie the Pooh didn’t keep Eeyore in his circle of friends? Where would a person be if they were not able to keep busy with their friends or have their friends/those close with them checking on them?

 

Depression can have a significant impact on our friendships by means of socialization, isolation, feeling like a person cannot “fit in”, and feeling like a person deserves the people in their life.  Imagine having friends but feeling like you cannot spend much time with them because your thoughts are telling you that while they want you around, you don’t deserve to have them around you.  How would this make you feel?  As the friend, it is good for us to partake in the three “I”s: include; invite; provide immeasurable understanding and compassion.

 

3. Depression changes our body.

Some people who struggle with depression report experiencing aches and pains, such as headaches, back aches, ankle aches, or even tingling in their fingers.  While researchers say depressed people experience a change in their pain-threshold due to depression, many believe this is due to a person’s serotonin being affected.  When a person’s serotonin levels are affected, they may have trouble with sleep, lack of memory, and mood changes.  Still, according to nature.com, “most studies found no evidence of reduced serotonin activity in people with depression compared to people without.” 

 

Still, when we think of Eeyore, who doesn’t think about him constantly losing his tail?  Eeyore has a long, talk that is not only detachable but has a pretty, pink bow on the end.  It’s as if the designer said: “there’s always something beautiful.”  Eeyore is very fond of his tail and while he is prone to losing it, he has friends who will help him look for ways to reattach it.  In this effort, we can see that it is not the act of finding the tail but the adventures he goes on with his friends to find his “tail” once again.  If your loved one feels lost, confused, upset, hurt, or any other gamete of emotions, ask yourself “how can I help?” 

 

Sometimes, well most of the time, really, it is difficult for us to see outside of our own experience. The same is true for someone who is struggling with depression and loss.  This is why us getting next to our loved ones is so important.  While statements like “you haven’t hung out with me in over a month” may not help, they also may not hurt.  Just like Eeyore, it is often difficult for people to envision their life without time blindness and therefore it is important for us to help our friends understand how their events led to their thoughts, which later led to their emotions, which later led to their actions, and thus their consequences.  So, while it may seem that all Eeyore needs to understand is that losing his tail doesn’t make him less-then, our family/friends/loved ones struggling with depression and loss may need to realize that just because they’re going through a rough spot, doesn’t mean the rough spot will never end.

 

4. Our desire for self-care minimizes, therefore food seems less-and-less appetizing.

One of the things that depression causes us to do is to stop us from taking care of ourselves and as a result our personal hygiene, our sleep hygiene, our energy, our concentration, our thoughts, and much more are greatly affected.  From time-to-time, Eeyore may isolate himself from his friends because he feels like his life is just “too hard” and like he just “doesn’t belong.”  Have you ever felt this way?  Have you or a loved one ever experienced such low self-worth that you chose to not value yourself?  The truth is that many people, even Eeyore, have.  Many people with depression often experience anxiety.  And, if you’re one of my clients I’m sure you can say this known saying of mine with me… but depression often comes with anxiety and it’s that anxiety that causes our GI issues.  GI issues are those that come in the form of diarrhea, discomfort, nausea, pain, and more.  When we experience GI issues, it often causes us to experience a loss of appetite.

 

What do we do with this?  Know that certain foods can be easier for us to eat when we are struggling with a loss of appetite.  Some of my go-to’s include eggs, fruit, oatmeal, smoothies, and even toast.  So, start with something you like and then start off small.  Maybe eat an egg and then a few hours later try some toast; add from there.  Also, don’t forget to make food appetizing.  Try new foods that sound good.  My daughter recently bought some plum-cots, which is apparently a hybrid between a plum and an apricot.  Well, long story short, they are fantastic.  So, if I were to be struggling with eating, and on that day, I wouldn’t have felt guilty to have a few plum-cots.  Not only do they come packed with natural sugars, but they tasted fantastic that day.  The bottom line is that while it can be difficult to eat when you don’t feel hungry, eating is important to our mental and physical health.  So, eat what you can and eat when you can.

 

One of the many misunderstandings that come with depression is that depression is when a person feels sad, blue, down, or not you.  While there are similarities, this is not only the case. In fact, for many it feels much more severe than the feelings/emotions that ebb-and-flow due to the circumstances of life.  Still, there are several facts that we must accept when handling the treatment of depression but some of these include: (1) depression is significantly underdiagnosed, (2) depression is treatable and manageable, (3) depressed people often talk in absolutes, (4) depressed people often lose their positivity, and (5) depression can take on a language all on its own. 

 

If you or someone you love is struggling with depression or loss, or any other issue that doesn’t seem to be going away on its own, remember that there are trained professionals that are here to help.  Fresno Family Therapy offers in-person and tele-health sessions at various times throughout the day, seven days a week!  Make the call, we are here to help you!

About the Author: 

Tammie Makely, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #113186